Dear ACOG,

(I'm going to have to post my response to ACOG's latest statement on homebirths in several parts, because there's just so much to say. My first will be in letter format, thanking ACOG for all the good works they do.)

I am writing to thank you for your news release providing a statement on homebirths. Your honesty and complete willingness to come out and make a public assault on women's rights is refreshing. Most organizations who conduct business that undermines women do so quietly and with subtlety, whereas you put your complete inability to trust that women might actually know what's best for their body and their baby right out in the open. Bravo!

I'd also like to thank you for clearing up some misconceptions I've clearly had about the reason for the skyrocketing Cesarean rate. I thought maybe it was because most breech babies are now born by Cesarean because your members no longer have the skills necessary to assist a vaginal breech delivery, or because at least 300 hospitals in the U.S. have banned VBACs, and women who have had previous Cesarean deliveries are often being forced into another one. Or gosh, even maybe due to the fact that the vast majority of labors in the country are being either induced or augmented with Pitocin requiring continuous fetal monitoring which is notorious for raising the odds of a surgical delivery. But thanks to your statement, that the Cesarean rate is due to the "rising tide of high-risk pregnancies due to maternal age, overweight, obesity and diabetes", I now realize women are being surgically delivered because we're just too fat and old to do it the old fashioned way!

Thank you also for realizing that women are so brainless and negligent for their welfare and that of their baby that they will choose homebirth because it is "trendy". To me it appears the epidural seems to be more "fashionable" since 80% of women now opt for such pain relief while less than 1% of women are choosing homebirth, but I'm so glad you cleared up that silly theory! I'm sure you're equally concerned about women choosing elective Cesareans because of Britney Spears and Posh Spice. You know, especially since babies born via planned repeat Cesarean have a 4 times greater risk of respiratory distress. Especially since even women having their first Cesarean double their chances of having a peripartum hysterectomy, while women on their second or third have an 18 times greater risk. But I'm sure you're on top of that, and what can you do if women are just choosing to have them, right? And it's not like you can just make your OB's perform VBACs, right?

I'm glad you've clarified your position on Birth Plans. I'm sure now your members will start taking them seriously. Because you know, before this statement, a lot of OB's were reacting to Birth Plans with reactions from ridicule to outright rage. I'm sure the news will also trickle down to those OB's who pressure hospital childbirth educators not to teach pregnant couples about Birth Plans.

Lastly, I want to thank you for being so clear and open on just how important you think "the birth process" is. Selfish is the woman who dares not to let the birth process unfold just how her OB actively manages it. Ignorant is the woman who expects something out of it besides a scar and a healthy baby. The homebirth movement must include all the women who don't have that incredibly powerful instinct to protect their unborn baby the second they find out they are pregnant.

Thank you, ACOG, for exposing yourself and women for what they are. I hope you can continue to undermine women's rights in an open forum, because trust me, more women need to realize what ACOG is all about.

Fondly,
Amie