Actual slogan for the Labor'Lert device being hawked to expectant mothers.
It comes in four attractive colors and handily counts down to your due date -- by month, day, and hour! Oh, and "only Labor'Lert accurately times the length and frequency of your contractions" (you didn't think you could do it yourself, did you, foolish woman?), and tells you exactly how long it's been since your last one (so you can anticipate the next one with glee!).
On the plus side, it is shaped like an egg. Since my three-year-old thinks babies come out by cracking their mothers' uteri like an egg, I guess that's kind of appropriate.